Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Chimpanzee Roller Derby vs. A Business Meeting

I hate meetings. Oh dear, perhaps hate is too strong a word. I detest, loathe and gnash my teeth at the thought of them.  I’d rather watch the Chimpanzee Roller Derby Queen Pageant than attend a meeting.
            Yes, I understand their function: get Dennis, Rachael, Twila, Bob and Kate together in one place to discuss a few matters and make decisions. It saves time and creates unity, right? Well…
            The last time the leader of a group I belong to called a meeting, our agenda had only two items. We needed to decide what day and time we’d have our monthly meetings, and discuss what we expected to accomplish in the group. Trouble was, none of us could agree on a meeting day and time to have our meeting-planning meeting.  But that’s okay with me. It saved me suffering through another meeting.
            My husband once spent ninety minutes listening to grown men on a church board discuss what type of pencil sharpeners to put in the Sunday school classrooms, and how much they’d cost. A year and a half later, the classrooms remained sharpener-less. Not only did I feel sorry for all those kids with dull pencils; I could have found a household chore or two for my honey to do in that ninety minutes he wasted.      
"That is so funny, dude!"
I'd like to form a No-Meeting Club, created for doing away with unnecessary meetings.  We’ll meet once a month to tell horror stories of lengthy, inane meetings we’ve attended. We’ll take turns pontificating on the virtues of a meeting-less society. Then we’ll discuss everyone’s thoughts, hashing over ideas for, say, thirty seconds. After that, we’ll concentrate on something significant and edifying.
            Our only rule will be: No pouting or food throwing if the chimp you’re rooting for doesn’t win the pageant.
Do you have an inane meeting story to share?