Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Hotel Follies


When we checked into our favorite hotel, the owner said, calm as a tortoise, “Would you like to rent some towels, Mr. and Mrs. Levellie?” Although I won the Talkathon U.S.A. contest ten years in a row and my husband is a preacher, we were both speechless.
“What do you mean, rent towels? We’ve stayed here for the last five years whenever we visit our daughter and her family. You’ve never charged for towels before.”
It's our new system, folks. So sorry!
He smiled, feigning patience. “It’s our new system. Vandalism was so high that our general manager required us to charge for towels. But if you’d rather not do that, you can use the body-sized blow dryer we’ve installed in all the bathrooms. Many of our guests prefer it.”
My face turned four shades of crimson as I imagined myself standing in front of a huge blow dryer, body fat jiggling at 75 mph. “No thank you,” I said, “we’ll borrow some Dora the Explorer and Bob the Builder towels from our daughter. Any other changes we should know about?”
 “Oh yes,” he grinned, “we’ve replaced the mini-steam irons with full-sized irons.”
“Great,” said my husband. “Last time it took Jeanette forty minutes to iron my shirt with that little Barbie-sized iron and ironing board you gave us.”
Is this sympathetic enough?
The owner looked sympathetic. “Well, I think you’ll find this iron much faster. But be careful when you use it—the chain is only three feet long.”
“Chain?” I howled.
“Well, we can’t have them stolen like the towels. We chain them to the ironing boards.”
I sighed as I picked up our room key and turned to my husband. “At least we have a bed to sleep in, honey.”
A bed? Really?
“Oh, you want a bed?” said the owner, eyebrows rising. “That will be an extra $40, please.”
Have you stayed in many hotels? What do you like/dislike about them?