Trying on a swimsuit was not a biggie when I was a size 6
and regularly working out. Pick a color that compliments your skin tone, doesn’t
show too much of what you only want your husband looking at, and is half price.
Now that I am…not a size 6 any longer—and may not be until
Jesus returns and gives me my new body—and my workout consists of pulling weeds
and scooping out cat litter boxes, shopping for a swimsuit has reached the #3
spot on my list of high-stress items.
#1 being that we’ve run out of ice cream, and #2 that we’re
down to only vanilla.
I’m not afraid of cellulite, fat, or age spots. I just don’t
like to advertise them to the world at large. And prove that I am becoming one
of the larger ones in that world.
So I torture myself in the dressing room with all manner of
spandex-inspired creations that attempt to hide from the younger women what
they have to look forward to when they hit the Searching for My Lost Hormone
Years and want to eat everything with sugar or fat in the #1 spot on the ingredient
list.
When I finally decide on a little—I use this word loosely—number
that is so busy with sunflowers and hummingbirds that I hope will distract eyes
from the flesh bulging out of it, I rush to the checkout counter and pay cash,
so the checker doesn’t have time to see what size it is...
To be continued on Wednesday's post; please come back and discover how I manage to not embarrass myself when I wear my new purchase!
The lovely Karen Lange is interviewing me today on her blog, Write Now, and I'm giving away a copy of Two Scoops of Grace with Chuckles on Top--I'd be delighted if you'd join us!
Had to laugh at your swimsuit adventures, Jeanette. I can totally relate. My solution is simply this: don't go swimming. It's worked quite well for me for many years. Of course, if you actually like to swim, then that's another matter entirely. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for coming by my blog today. It's always a pleasure to have you!
Blessings,
Karen
Don't tell, Karen, but I have gained so much weight since I last bought a new suit that I haven't shopped for one in ten years! But knowing how embarassing it is, this story COULD have happened! I think this is what's called Creative Non-fiction!
DeleteOh, I'll be back alright! I need all the hints & help I can get!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Rebecca; we'll see you Wednesday!
DeleteI love your voice, Jen. I will be back on Wednesday to read more. Oh, and I tried on swimsuits this past week, too! HAD to get a new one :)
ReplyDeleteHi, Cindy. Nice to see you here. Thanks for liking my voice! Go on over to Karen's blog and win my book, and you get 296 pages of my voice...
DeleteI totally understand about shopping for a new swimsuit, pure torture.
ReplyDeleteI have yet to meet any woman who doesn't take issue with some part of her body. No worries. ;-)
ReplyDeleteHeading over to Karen's spot to read your interview...
You crack me up. I love your honesty and humor :) I'm going over to Karen's to say hello now. :)
ReplyDeleteWhy is it that we care so much what the cashier thinks? I had the same thought the other night with my swimsuit. Hurry up and bag it before anyone else sees it!!! ;-)
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for part two.
~FringeGirl (aka Tricia G.)
Domestic: I think we think everyone is looking at us and laughing behind our back, when in fact most people are more interested in their own lives than ours!
DeleteI can find cute suits, but they are in catalogs or online and I would just have to send them back. Most suits cost $70-$80 or more. That's way too much. Wish stores carried those cute one pieces that have the great halter top and cover everything.
ReplyDelete