Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Swimsuit Shopping Torture, part 2 and Another Book Giveaway!

(Please see Swimsuit Shopping
Torture Part 1
on Monday's post)

...When I finally decide on a little—I use this word loosely—number that is so busy with sunflowers and hummingbirds that I hope will distract eyes from the flesh bulging out of it, I rush to the checkout counter and pay cash, so the checker doesn’t have time to see what size it is.
In the car, I grab my wee scissors from the emergency sewing kit and snip out the label, and then swallow it with a large gulp of diet ice tea. No sense in having it flutter out of the trash bag and let the world in on my dark secret. I can handle the indigestion that results from label eating; I can’t face knowing there’s evidence of my swimsuit size somewhere on the planet.
Now I’m prepared for the next time a friend calls, inviting us over to swim. “Let’s go,” I holler to my honey, “we’ll be late for the party!” He comes down the hall wearing the same suit he’s had for twenty-five years, which took him thirty seconds to pick out, try on, and purchase. Makes me sicker than when I swallowed the label.
His eyebrows raise as he points to me. “Aren’t you going to wear your new bathing suit, honey? You spent all day and half a paycheck on it!”
I huff like I always do when he’s clueless about female logic. “I have it on, silly, under these old shorts and t-shirt, which won’t be ruined by the chlorine in the pool. No way can I let people see me in it! Now, let’s go…”
To help take away some of the sting of shopping for a swimsuit, I am guest posting on novelist Katie Ganshert's blog today, where I'll be giving away another copy of Two Scoops of Grace with Chuckles on Top! I hope you'll  join me...


  1. Hilarious! I so empathize with the part about the twenty-five year old swimsuit. I think that my husband's suit is coming upon that milestone, but I was there when he chose it--15 seconds flat!! Not Fair.

  2. Hee-Sterical! I've worn my ratty old t-shirt way too many times to count. Not this year though. I'm putting on my big-girl panties and being brave. For now anyway, mostly because it's cool and windy and there's no chance of going swimming today. ;-)

  3. You made me laugh out loud. Love it. By the way, I think that red spotted suit is adorable. Now if they just had that in my size for $40 or so at a store near me, I'd get it.

    1. Nancy: After I put it up on the blog, I thought, "wait, I said my suit was full of hummingbirds, not polka dots!" Oh well.

      Thanks for laughing!

  4. Seems like a reasonable solution. Next time I must wear a swimsuit I may do exactly the same thing. Chlorine can indeed mess with a perfectly good suit. :)


Oh, it's YOU! I'm so happy to see you here today, and look forward to reading your comments.