Tuesday, September 9, 2014

The Giant Zucchini Fiasco

“Why do I get myself into these fiascoes?” I mutter, as I wipe the kitchen counter for the fifth time, hoping the neon green of zucchini pulp doesn’t stain. The phone rings. It’s my eleven-year-old granddaughter, who’s the starter for our three-kid-and-two-grands Sunday chat.

“Whatcha doin’, Gramma?” she chirps.

“Oh, honey, I am up to my elbows in Zucchini bread, zucchini muffins, and zucchini mini-loaves. I underestimated how much zucchini pulp would make a cup, so I had to triple the recipe.”

She giggles before saying, “That sounds like a mess.”

“You have no idea, dear girl. I started out with a large bowl, transferred the batter to a huge bowl, and then had to graduate the bright green goo to my enormous chili pot. I ran out of flour in my canister, so substituted a chocolate cake mix for the final cup. I wish you were here to help me!”

We visit for a while, me cradling the phone on my shoulder as I fill muffins cups and loaf pans. Finally, I sigh with pleasure. “How many loaves and muffins do you think I ended up with?” I ask, mentally daring her to guess right.

That giggle reaches through the airwaves again. “I don’t know.”

“Three large loaves, eight mini-loaves, and sixteen muffins. And there is still a fifth of a zuke sitting in the fridge wondering if I forgot it!”

I’ve often joked how I use gardening in the summer and baking in the winter as therapy, because they’re cheaper than a therapist is.  But the zucchini fiasco has me re-thinking that philosophy. I spent three hours of my time mixing and baking, another hour cleaning up, and have yet to ask forty-seven people if they’d like to adopt a loaf or a set of quintuplet muffins to make their home complete. Isn’t my time worth at least two sessions with a shrink, in an office devoid of stained green counters?

The upside is, I have enough breakfast breads to last the winter, my grandgirl and I bonded a bit, and my neglected loaf pans felt needed.

But the next time I’m making a delivery for the office supply store I manage to a church with a “Free Produce” table in their vestibule, if I see an 18” long zucchini, I will run the other way!
Do you like to bake? Have you ever experienced a fiasco similar to mine? Do tell.


  1. Ha Ha! Loved your Zucchini fiasco! Especially adding chocolate cake mix when you ran out of flour! Would you believe I've never baked anything with zucchini? I do enjoy baking, though. If I ever decide to use zucchini, I'll won't pick one that is 18" long! :)

  2. Hi Jeanette! Oh my gosh, I had almost the same thing happen to me. We went away for four days, and it must have rained every darn day. We came home to this giant zucchini in the garden that looked like a baseball bat! Just like yours!

    The pulp was electric green and I wondered if that was normal (thank goodness it is), and we have WAY more zucchini breads than I could ever use. Yikes! I love the stuff, but come on! At least you have granddaughters to have tea parties with...I have my husband and we can get fat this winter eating breakfast breads :)
    Love the photo of you, you always exude so much energy, I love that too!

  3. Jeanette: This is so funny. I used to bake zucchini bread each summer. We grew them in our garden. One recipe I had said at the end,"This bread freezes very well." None of mine go to the freezer; we ate them. Sometimes, the larger ones turn out to be pithy. One year, we had two hills of them; I stopped counting after we harvested 100 of them.


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