I Love My Hips

I love my hips. So do these goodies!

   For the first time in decades, I’m not worried about my hips getting larger as the holidays approach.  I love my hips. I feel sorry for all those skinny-as-a-preacher’s-wallet supermodels slinking down the runway in their pencil skirts. They’ve never discovered the splendid uses of hips.

drawing copyright Ron Levellie

     In my hipless days, if I wanted to tote a box of Christmas decorations from the backyard shed to the house, I had to carry it in both arms, like a hug. Made navigating across the yard a bit rough since I couldn’t see where I was stepping. Now I simply perch the box on one hip, breeze across the yard, open the door with my free hand, and collapse into the room.

     Hips are also useful for bouncing hungry or colicky babies while stirring macaroni on the stove. Without hips, you’d have to plunk junior or princess in their highchair and listen to them wail while you tried to fix supper. A ton of macaroni has been rescued from burning by the marvelous invention of hips.

Out of the mouths of babes...

     I discovered my favorite use for hips on a recent visit to see my grandchildren. I sat down on a playground swing and realized there was no danger of me falling out, no matter how high I flew. My handy hips had me wedged in tighter than a sailor on shore leave. But I knew I’d never revert to being hipless again when my six-year-old grandson stepped behind me to push. 

In his innocent-as-a-lamb's voice he said, “Grandma, you’re easy to push, because your bum is so big!” 

     That’s why you won’t find me refusing mashed potatoes or eggnog this holiday season. How can I let my little guy down? I do wish they’d find a way to get me out of this swing, though. 

The above is a chapter from my newest book, The Heart of Humor: Sixty Helpings of Hilarity to Nourish Your Soul, the perfect gift for every Scrooge on your Christmas list! For more information about a fun giveaway connected with the book, please visit Karen Lange's blog with me today. 

What are your favorite Christmas foods?

Other than books that make them laugh, how do you help the Scrooges on your Christmas list?