How to Re-Purpose Grossly Green Mouthwash

From Grossly Green to Sparkling Clean

     When my husband bought the monster size of Grossly Green mouthwash, I wondered if we’d live long enough to finish it. Or die trying. Whoever invented this stuff either has taste buds of steel, or they hope that their least favorite politicians will buy a case and gag to death. 

     Each time I used some was an excuse to chase it with an ice cream cone or a candy bar. But that only worked for two weeks. It’s not worth a new wardrobe two sizes bigger just to have lovely breath. 

     We can’t throw it out; we’ve invested half a week’s salary in it. Those economy sizes require the money with unknown president’s faces on them.  We could pour it into fancy bottles and give it as Christmas gifts. But our friends may reciprocate next year.

     I discovered the solution to our dilemma while preparing for church one morning in the bathroom. I noticed a ring in the toilet, and rummaged for some bowl cleanser. All I saw under the sink was half a bottle of Grossly Green. Aha. No self-respecting toilet will dare stay dirty after a few swishes of this chartreuse poison. 

     My husband may wonder why it’s disappearing so fast. I’m sure he was expecting it to last a decade. If he asks, I’ll just point to our sparkling, whimpering toilet and tell him that his bargain of the century works better as a bowl cleaner than a mouthwash. 

     Do you sometimes feel that you missed your calling, and chose a wrong path? You don’t need to live in regret. Just put your life in God’s hands. In spite of poor decisions, He can give you a fresh start to do something significant with your life. Not to shine toilets, necessarily, but to shine for Him. 

The above story is a sample chapter from my second book THE HEART OF HUMOR

 

Have you re-purposed something gross? Do tell!