“Listeners make better lovers,” says the commercial. What, it’s
not listeners, but milk drinkers? Well, if you don’t like milk or have an
allergy to it, there’s still hope for you to become a better lover: by learning
to listen from your heart. Here are seven ways to do that:
1. The eyes have it. When we look into someone’s
eyes as they talk, rather than staring out the window or planning our next
meal, we show them respect. We also gain more insight into their thoughts and
feelings. We can uncover pain, disappointment, fear, or joy by making eye
contact when we listen. This type of active concern leads to greater understanding
and deeper love between us.
2. Ask questions. We endear ourselves to
others by asking questions regarding their interests. I’m not the movie buff
that my husband Kevin is. But if I ask, “how many Frank Capra films was Jimmie
Stewart in?” Kevin comes alive. He knows I truly care about him and his
hobbies. In the same way, if Kev asks, “how’s your Vista article coming along?”
I’m convinced of his interest in me as a writer, not just as his wife. I can feel
his love.
3. Body language shouts. Leaning forward,
raising our eyebrows, nodding, and smiling are excellent ways to listen from our
hearts. Folding our arms, rolling our eyes, and cleaning out make-up drawers or
tool chests while someone is trying to talk to us shouts, “who cares?” Imagine
your body as a Yes, We’re Open! sign
rather than a Sorry, We’re Closed! sign,
and others will open their hearts to you.
4. Can the rude ‘tude. You probably know people who own first-place trophies from the W.F.I.
(World Federation of Interrupters). They’re about as much fun to be around as cats
fighting at midnight under the bedroom window. When we wait for people to
finish what they’re saying before we speak, we give them the dignity they
deserve, and gain their respect. Leave a pause of three to five seconds before
you speak, to give others time to process their thoughts. Some of the wisest
insights come in the form of afterthoughts.
If we rush to speak the second it seems
a person is finished, we might miss something glorious.
5. Mirror, mirror. We prove our interest
by reflecting back what we think we heard.
“So, you aren’t saying that people who prefer dark chocolate to milk chocolate
are idiots—just that it’s a matter of taste?” tells Kevin I was listening with
my heart, and wanted to understand his point of view. We don’t have to agree
with everyone’s opinion, but it’s essential to healthy relationships that the
other knows we listened with our heart.
One of my favorite TV personalities, Fred Rogers, sang a song
called, “There are many ways to say I love you.” Listening with your heart is
one of those ways. It’s also a creative method for service to your brothers and
sisters in the Lord.
Which one of the above ways will you incorporate into your conversations this month, to become a better lover?
