I’ve included a dozen words that you can snip
without changing the meaning of the story.
In fact, editing them enhances the story’s readability.
Find at least seven, list them in your comment,
and I’ll enter your name in a drawing for these lovely Cheetah designer scissors shown below—perfect for cutting extra words from your manuscripts,
or fabric for your next quilt.
Here we go…
As I rushed in order to be on time for an appointment one morning, I flew out the door with a naked face, hoping Mom wouldn’t catch me. I adored her, but she sure cherished some odd ideas about catching a man.
After my appointment, I met my friend Sonya at a nearby bookshop. We were sitting down with our lattes when I spotted H.I.M. reading “Bird by Bird” at the table next to ours. I snatched Sonya’s sun hat from her tote and squashed it onto my head, tilting it to cover my face. “That’s Tom Stinson, the new dentist’s son,” I whispered. “I heard he’s a writer. I’ve wanted to meet him ever since they moved to town. But I’d rather literally eat escargot than have him see me sans makeup. Let’s scoot before he looks this way.”
Because Sonya’s a good sport, she played along, allowing me to move our conversation and lattes to the park. But she never let me forget it. Since then, each and every time we meet, she brings along extra make-up. Great. Now I have two moms.
Please include your email address in your comment. You have until Friday, July 9 at midnight to enter. I will announce the winner on Sunday, July 11. I will also reveal the superfluous words then. Happy Hunting and Snipping!
P.S. If you find a superfluous word or two
that I failed to include in my list,
I’ll give you an extra entry!
Ooh, I love your story and hate to tweak it...but will.
ReplyDeleteI would cut:
always vital just ever in order the door some she said literally
each and
Got my red appendage affixed today.
Love you,
P
It's early, Jeanette, but you've got me laughing. As a journalism teacher, I taught kids to do this regularly. After my first draft of my completed manuscript, I had to put descriptive words in. I'm still learning this process and have fallen back in love with it.
ReplyDeleteWhat a fun exercise!
ReplyDeletevital
ever
in order
sure
down
literally
and every
extra
How'd I do?
everythinghomewithcarol at yahoo dot com.
Have a great day!
Cheetah!!! You wild and crazy lady, you..... :O) Hope your holiday was great!
ReplyDeleteWhat a fun contest! I'm going to enter! Love the crazy, gorgeous scissors.
ReplyDeleteHere are the words I'd cut:
vital
terrific
ever
at the very least (phrase)
in order to be on time (phrase)
sure
to ours (& move "next" before table
each and
browncarole212@yahoo.com
Here's what I got:
ReplyDeletevital, just, ever, applying
in order, sure
ever, literally
each and.
What a great way to show wordy paragraphs. Thanks
You guys are so smart.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great exercise to kick my morning brain into action!
ReplyDeleteI'd snip out always, a vital (and change necessity to necessary
just,
ever,
the very (and move at least after applying),
in order,
sure,
literally,
and every.
I tend to be a bare bones writer and have to add description during revisions but I do have 'pet words' that keep popping up... "just" is one of them.
No need to enter me in your contest, but thanks for getting my brain in gear. :)
just
ReplyDeleteIn order
literally
vital
sure
down
each and
along
I love the story and I want to know what happened next?
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I would cut these words:
vital
just
ever
in order
sure
down
literally
each and
good (from- Sonya’s a good sport), along (from- she brings along extra make-up).
Thanks for the brush up Jeanette. What fun!
Nehha
(sonrisaaa at gmail dot com)
Nehha:
ReplyDeleteThis is all the story I wrote--sorry! I contrived it only for the sake of the contest; I'm glad you like it, though!
Hi Jen -
ReplyDeleteWhat fun!
Here goes:
just
she said
ever
very
in order to be
sure
I whispered
literally
and every
susanjreinhardt (at) gmail (dot) com
Blessings,
Susan :)
First, I was eating chocolate covered almonds when I was reading the comment you left on my blog and almost choked to death. That's right missy you almost had blood on your hands. And second, when am I going to be able to read your work? It sounds hysterical!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAfter spending the evening with my niece and nephew, my brain no longer functions properly! lol
ReplyDeleteI am so loving those scissors!
Blessings~
Laura