Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Snipping Superfluous Words Drawing

Can you spot superfluous words? In the following story,
I’ve included a dozen words that you can snip
without changing the meaning of the story.
In fact, editing them enhances the story’s readability.



Find at least seven, list them in your comment,
and I’ll enter your name in a drawing for these lovely Cheetah designer scissors shown below—perfect for cutting extra words from your manuscripts,
or fabric for your next quilt.

Here we go…

Mother always told me it was a vital necessity to wear make-up in public. “You just never know when you may meet a terrific guy looking for someone like you,” she said. “So never, ever leave home without applying lipstick and mascara, at the very least.”


As I rushed in order to be on time for an appointment one morning, I flew out the door with a naked face, hoping Mom wouldn’t catch me. I adored her, but she sure cherished some odd ideas about catching a man.


After my appointment, I met my friend Sonya at a nearby bookshop. We were sitting down with our lattes when I spotted H.I.M. reading “Bird by Bird” at the table next to ours. I snatched Sonya’s sun hat from her tote and squashed it onto my head, tilting it to cover my face. “That’s Tom Stinson, the new dentist’s son,” I whispered. “I heard he’s a writer. I’ve wanted to meet him ever since they moved to town. But I’d rather literally eat escargot than have him see me sans makeup. Let’s scoot before he looks this way.”


Because Sonya’s a good sport, she played along, allowing me to move our conversation and lattes to the park. But she never let me forget it. Since then, each and every time we meet, she brings along extra make-up. Great. Now I have two moms.

Please include your email address in your comment. You have until Friday, July 9 at midnight to enter. I will announce the winner on Sunday, July 11. I will also reveal the superfluous words then. Happy Hunting and Snipping!


P.S. If you find a superfluous word or two
that I failed to include in my list,
I’ll give you an extra entry!

14 comments:

  1. Ooh, I love your story and hate to tweak it...but will.
    I would cut:

    always vital just ever in order the door some she said literally
    each and

    Got my red appendage affixed today.
    Love you,
    P

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's early, Jeanette, but you've got me laughing. As a journalism teacher, I taught kids to do this regularly. After my first draft of my completed manuscript, I had to put descriptive words in. I'm still learning this process and have fallen back in love with it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. What a fun exercise!
    vital
    ever
    in order
    sure
    down
    literally
    and every
    extra
    How'd I do?
    everythinghomewithcarol at yahoo dot com.
    Have a great day!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Cheetah!!! You wild and crazy lady, you..... :O) Hope your holiday was great!

    ReplyDelete
  5. What a fun contest! I'm going to enter! Love the crazy, gorgeous scissors.

    Here are the words I'd cut:
    vital
    terrific
    ever
    at the very least (phrase)
    in order to be on time (phrase)
    sure
    to ours (& move "next" before table
    each and

    browncarole212@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. Here's what I got:

    vital, just, ever, applying

    in order, sure

    ever, literally

    each and.

    What a great way to show wordy paragraphs. Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  7. What a great exercise to kick my morning brain into action!

    I'd snip out always, a vital (and change necessity to necessary
    just,
    ever,
    the very
    (and move at least after applying),
    in order,
    sure,
    literally,
    and every.

    I tend to be a bare bones writer and have to add description during revisions but I do have 'pet words' that keep popping up... "just" is one of them.

    No need to enter me in your contest, but thanks for getting my brain in gear. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. just
    In order
    literally
    vital
    sure
    down
    each and
    along

    ReplyDelete
  9. I love the story and I want to know what happened next?

    Anyways, I would cut these words:

    vital
    just
    ever
    in order
    sure
    down
    literally
    each and
    good (from- Sonya’s a good sport), along (from- she brings along extra make-up).

    Thanks for the brush up Jeanette. What fun!

    Nehha
    (sonrisaaa at gmail dot com)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Nehha:

    This is all the story I wrote--sorry! I contrived it only for the sake of the contest; I'm glad you like it, though!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi Jen -

    What fun!

    Here goes:

    just
    she said
    ever
    very
    in order to be
    sure
    I whispered
    literally
    and every

    susanjreinhardt (at) gmail (dot) com

    Blessings,
    Susan :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. First, I was eating chocolate covered almonds when I was reading the comment you left on my blog and almost choked to death. That's right missy you almost had blood on your hands. And second, when am I going to be able to read your work? It sounds hysterical!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. After spending the evening with my niece and nephew, my brain no longer functions properly! lol

    I am so loving those scissors!

    Blessings~
    Laura

    ReplyDelete

Oh, it's YOU! I'm so happy to see you here today, and look forward to reading your comments.