Wednesday, August 25, 2010

3 Reasons You Need to Fail

When I heard her words, I cringed.  “I guess I’m afraid to fail. All my life I’ve succeeded at everything I tried, and it scares me to think I might mess up.” I smiled and gave my young friend some trite, reassuring words about how everyone starting college with her was feeling the same way, and that she’d be fine.

What I wanted to say, what I should have said, was, “Girl, you NEED to fail. Succeeding your entire life has ruined you.” Why would I think that?

1. Until we fail, we don’t know what doesn’t work. If I make a cake and forget to put the baking powder in, I end up with a pancake I get to frost. Because of my anguish over this failure, I will never again forget to add baking powder. I can apply this same principle of using painful memories of failures to avoid hurtful relationships, going broke before the next payday, and gaining weight. So. Failure teaches us how to live on purpose, and what values to cherish.

2. If we never fail, we have no compassion for others who mess up. How can I help you through a rough time with a family member if my own family has never experienced trouble? How can I empathize with you over rejection letters from editors and agents if I’ve heard only compliments? By our familiarity with failure, we develop gracious hearts to encourage others around us.


3. Finally, failing will enable us to get over our fear of failure. I know it sounds crazy. But it works. If I get on a horse the wrong way, and slide off, I may bump my fanny or my elbow. My fear might have been that I’d break my neck and die. When all I do is bruise my elbow or bum, I’m encouraged that falling off a horse isn’t the end of the world. Surviving a failure helps us grow brave, so we can attempt greater feats.

I certainaly don't want you to fail. And I don't make it one of my daily goals to fail. I'm just sayin'. A litle failure now and then makes us appreciate the victories.


Do you agree or disagree that a person needs to fail to be a well-rounded individual? What failures in your life have matured you?

19 comments:

  1. I love this post as it is packed with wisdom. I am the kind of person who hates to fail. But I have and it has taught me that it will happen but learn to bounce back and keep going. Failure will always come and some will be huge--I am thankful to be prepared for those as well as I can.
    you look great on a horse!

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  2. I agree with you! Some of the best lessons in my life have been learned through failure...and I'm glad I learned them.

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  3. I think it certainly helps and it has matured me. I also believe it's a great reminder of who is in control and humbles us to our right place.

    I'm good at failing, which in turn has made me really good at being resilient. ;)

    ~ Wendy

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  4. Yes, I suppose I do agree we must fail. It humbles us. I know as a kid I didn't see that but I can look back and see God was molding me..and still is!

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  5. It certainly gives empathy to others and encouragement that if I can keep on, so can you. Great list! :O)

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  6. Wise words, although I can't imagine you failing at much. I know fear of failure can make our lives unbalanced and stifle our dreams.
    Blessings!

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  7. Hi Jen -

    If we're living, a certain amount of failures will happen. It's part of the learning process. The important thing: we don't let our failures stop us from trying again.

    Blessings,
    Susan :)

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  8. Jan: You made me smile. I've failed at relationships, jobs, even a college class (I got an F in Japanese because I quit attending). Perhaps I exude confidence becuase I'm an extrovert, but I'm not immune to failure. It has made me stronger and more dependent on the Lord, who never fails.

    Love,
    Jen

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  9. Oh you have done it this time! Great post. I think this needs to be an article! Get busy. We still need to do lunch. :-) I could tell you had a great vacation. Thanks for reminding me that I do need to fail now and then. But I don't have to like it do I? :-)

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  10. GREAT post!!! I've had plenty of opportunities to learn those very lessons....

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  11. Clella: No, you don't have to like it; but it helps if you learn from it. Love you,
    Jen

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  12. Great topic.

    I agree that failing is an important life lesson. I would add that reflection after success or failure is instrumental to growth. If I keep failing, but do not take time to consider where I fell short, I will likely do a poor job again.

    I think failing in relationships as a college guy/young adult really helped me make things right when I met my wife to be.

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  14. Jeanette, I deleted the above comment, 'cause I wrote something wrong. Oh good grief, was that a mistake? ha. Anyway, I think failure is a learning tool. It's honest living.

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  15. So true, Jeanette. It's all true. It just stinks at the time, doesn't it?

    Sigh.

    Thanks for putting this back into perspective for me.

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  16. You look like a natural on that horse. I would never have guessed you weren't born in the saddle.

    I have failed so much that the young girl seems unreal to me. So that's who I've been competing with? Yes, I believe failure makes us human and able to help others. Oh, and I have also had many successes, praise God.

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  17. I agree. As hard as it is to fail, we can gain so much to help us move forward. How do we learn to trust God without the trials, challenges, and failures?

    When my husband was coaching our sons' hockey team, he pointed out that the team could learn more from a loss than a win. They still preferred to win, but I think that helped them tune in to learn a thing or two.
    Blessings,
    Karen

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  18. Jeanette:
    Failure humbles me. I shot off my mouth to relatives of a neighbor lady, a dear friend. I know I offended the relative. I wrote my neighbor a note and told her I had said something I shouldn't have. I asked her to forgive me. She did. I learned a lesson in the process.

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