Thursday, August 22, 2013

Meetings Are for Monkeys

The Cimpanzee Roller Derby Queen
I hate meetings. I’d rather watch the Chimpanzee Roller Derby Queen Pageant than attend a meeting.
            Yes, I understand their function: get Dennis, Rachael, Twila, Bob and Kate together in one place to discuss a few matters and make decisions. It saves time and creates unity, right? Well…
            The last time the leader of a group I belong to called a meeting, our agenda had only two items. We needed to decide what day and time we’d have our monthly meetings, and discuss what we expected to accomplish in the group. Trouble was, none of us could agree on a meeting day and time to have our meeting-planning meeting.  But that’s okay with me. It saved me suffering through another meeting.
            My husband once spent ninety minutes listening to grown men on a church board discuss what type of pencil sharpeners to put in the Sunday school classrooms, and how much they’d cost. A year and a half later, the classrooms remained sharpener-less. Not only did I feel sorry for all those kids with dull pencils; I could have found a household chore or two for my honey to do in that ninety minutes he wasted.      
"That is so funny, dude!"
I'd like to form a No Meeting Club, created for doing away with unnecessary meetings.  We’ll meet once a month to tell horror stories of lengthy, inane meetings we’ve attended. We’ll take turns pontificating on the virtues of a meeting-less society. Then we’ll discuss everyone’s thoughts, hashing over ideas for, say, thirty seconds. After that, we’ll concentrate on something significant and edifying.
            Our only rule will be: No pouting or food throwing if the chimp you’re rooting for doesn’t win the pageant.
Do you have an inane meeting story to share?


  1. I'm with you, I HATE meetings! Even if they may be necessary, I hate them! I'll join your club, but I would vote for a meeting every other month. :)

  2. One of my biggest peeves before I retired were the frequency and inaneness of the weekly faculty meetings. Ugh! I'll join your No Meeting Club in a heartbeat.

    1. Inaneness is the perfect word for stupid meetings, Shelly!

  3. Hi, Jen:

    Yes, I hate meetings as well, especially when the big bosses grace us with their presence and use the meetings as spitting contests between themselves. ("Spitting" isn't the word that actually describes it, but you get my drift! Lol.) I will say that I prefer a meeting to a group email. If forced to choose between an in-person meeting and a long group email chain, I'll pick the meeting.

    And I'll sit and watch a chimpanzee roller derby queen pageant with you, whether or not we're avoiding meetings. :-D

    Be well.

  4. Jeanette: Let me see if I understand this. You propose a group dedicated to no meetings. Then this group has meetings? As I see it, you have gone against your original premise. But I see your point. I have sat through some horrible meetings. But, basically, we have to have those meetings in order to get things done. What makes them the fodder of horror stories are the persons in attendance.

  5. A meeting of no meetings? As long as there is good dessert, it is worth it. Oh, and coffee.

  6. Definition of a meeting: A gathering of normally sane people to discuss something for an hour that could have been decided in an email in five minutes.

    Time management, people!


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