Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Name That Kid

I feel sorry for modern kids. Or should I say kydz? Today’s parents either don’t know how to spell, or they’re trying to be cute.
Not long ago, David was always D-A-V-I-D. Little Davey didn’t need to spell his name to the librarian, his Sunday school teacher, or the softball coach. Now he totes flashcards and wears a name tag day and night. It might be Dayvid, Davidde, or Daivihd. Same with a perfectly decent name like Mary. Her flashcards could read anything from Mahree to Mayrie to Mairey.
I cringe to think where this generation of creative spellers is leading us. Imagine a family singing together on a road trip. Sister starts, “There was a farmer had a dog and Bingo was his name-o, B-I-N-G-O...”
Brother interrupts, “That’s not right. Kevin has a dog named Bingo and they spell it B-E-E-N-G-O-U-G-H.” Family bonding takes a huge step backwards.
Or what about Sunday school songs? The leader steps to the podium and charges into, “The B-I-B-L-E, yes that’s the book for me…” when a redheaded girl in the front row corrects him.
“We don’t spell it that way anymore,” she says. “We use the new spelling: B-Y-E-B-I-L-L.” He stumbles off the stage, his hopes for a shining career as a song leader dashed.

I know, I know. Embrace progress, move forward, don’t dwell on the past, change is good, etc. I agree. But please don’t tell me I’m going to turn on the T.V. one day and hear “M-I-K-K-E-E  M-O-W-H-S!”  
The above is an excerpt from my latest book, The Heart of Humor: Sixty Helpings of Hilarity to Nourish Your Soul.
Do you find  modern, unusual spellings of names frustrating or fun? 


  1. Jeanette: This is one of your funniest in the book. At one time, I wanted to name a son, EDUARD, the british spelling of EDWARD, Hubby, who grew up in rural America, thought a boy whose name was spelled as I wanted it would be fiercely teased.

  2. Hi Jeanette! It is amazing how we can complicate even the simplest name. I wonder if people think they are being clever? I don't know, I must be 'old school'. John is fine. Mary is fine. See? I'm hopeless!

  3. Oh I so know what you mean- as a primary school teacher you wouldn't believe ( well yes YOU would) how hard it was to remember names and the spelling there of- let alone the pronunciation! Nightmarish it was- truly nightmare material.

  4. I'm always mystified when I hear strange names and stranger spellings. Don't the parents give thought to their kids having to live with that name/spelling for the rest of their lives?

    Besides, how are you every going to find a personalized barrette for your darling daughter if her name is so peculiar?

  5. Thank you for today's chuckle!

  6. "Daivihd"

    Hahahhah! I laugh, but....I could SO see that happening.

    Speaking of names, what is your guess for the new British Princess? I am hoping for Diana, maybe even as a middle name along with a tradition royal first name. But she could always go for one of these wackadoo modern names!


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