Are you sabotaging yourself in your closest relationships?

            When Kevin and I were dating, I found out he had a secret “list” of four things he most wanted in a wife. I don’t remember all of them, but he apparently thought I met his criteria. And I’ll bet he’s wondered at times if he should have had more than just four items to shoot for!

            When our son Ron was three or so, he brought me a sack of grass clippings he’d scooped up from the front yard.

            “What’s this for, Son?”

            “I thought I’d bring in a sack of grass to have in case Daddy ever decides to become a farmer. Then the cows can have something to munch on!” 

            Good thing he didn’t hold his breath on that expectation, because although cornfields surround our home in southern Illinois, Kevin has yet to become a farmer!

     How many times have we had expectations of a person,only to have them ruined? Even people who genuinely love us often disappoint us. We hoped and believed, and then our hopes were dashed to tiny pieces like sand castles at high tide. We became an Eyore, thinking it was easier to hope for nothing than to be disappointed. Could our expectations have been unrealistic, or even misplaced?  Did God mean for us to find happiness based on how others treat us or how well they fulfill our dreams?

      Our Heavenly Father made us in His image. That means we need other people to complete and help us. He never intended anyone to do life alone. But He also never intended that we look only to others to fill us up, so that we are crushed if they don’t meet our requirements for happiness. This is what is known in psychology as “co-dependence,” and it is not healthy.

      Let’s release our loved ones from such unrealistic expectations, and start relying more on God to make our lives complete. Only He can make our dreams come true, encourage us exactly the way we need, and give us custom-made strength for all the challenges our life holds. Of course He may use people to do it. But He wants our focus to be on Him as our source of supply, not the supply itself. That way we won’t be constantly disappointed and disillusioned when our spouse, our kids or our best friends don’t jump through the hoops we have set up for them.

      I love the John Stallings chorus, “Learning to Lean,” written in the mid-70’s:

“Learning to lean, learning to lean, I’m learning to lean on Jesus,

Finding more power than I’d ever dreamed, I’m learning to lean on    Jesus.”

      God will not disappoint you like people will. You can lean on Him, and expect the greatest time of 
your life!

   
Have you ever had to release some great expectations in order to find more sanity? How did it improve your relationships? 

How Expecting Less of Others Keeps Us Happy

Today is my 42nd anniversary (I was a child bride, of course). If there's one thing I am still learning after four+ decades with a very caring, godly man, it's that I can't expect him to meet all my needs. Or even most of them. It's not even his job.

My friend Cecil Murphey says, “If I expect certain behavior that I don’t get, I can become angry. Or I can change my expectations.”

I might spend half a days’ wages to buy a gift for someone, expecting them to rave about it and display it in a prominent place in their home. When they give it to a neighbor or simply don’t praise it as much as I want, do I tell them how much they've hurt me, and secretly vow to never give them another gift?

I can create a lovely meal, expecting my husband to “ummm” and “ahhhh” while he eats it. If he barely says a word, do I pout or accuse him of not caring about me?

If I work my hiney off on a project at work, expecting my boss to praise me and he doesn't even notice, do I shrug it off and realize that I’m working for Jesus’ praise, or do I draw attention to my labors?

This is a lesson I’m still learning, after more than six decades on this globe. If we have certain expectations of others that only God can fulfill, we set ourselves up for trouble.  People can help God fill up our emotional gas tanks. But if we look to people instead of God, we will always be disappointed. Read that again.

Only God can make dreams come true. That’s why I need to look to him to fill me up, make me feel special, and meet all my needs. Because He can. He’s the only one who can. 

Have you learned the secret of asking Jesus to fill up your emotional gas tank in his own ways, so you won't expect too much of people?

How Changing Your Expectations Can Help You Avoid Disappointment

My friend Cecil Murphey says, “If I expect certain behavior that I don’t get, I can become angry. Or I can change my expectations.”

I might spend half a days’ wages to buy a gift for someone, expecting them to rave about it and display it in a prominent place in their home. When they give it to a neighbor or simply don’t praise it as much as I want, do I tell them how much they've hurt me, and secretly vow to never give them another gift?

I can create a lovely meal, expecting my husband to “ummm” and “ahhhh” while he eats it. If he barely says a word, do I pout or accuse him of not caring about me?

If I work my hiney off on a project at work, expecting my boss to praise me and he doesn't even notice, do I shrug it off and realize that I’m working for Jesus’ praise, or do I draw attention to my labors?

This is a lesson I’m still learning, after more than six decades on this globe. If we have certain expectations of others that only God can fulfill, we set ourselves up for trouble.  People can help God fill up our emotional gas tanks. But if we look to people instead of God, we will always be disappointed. Read that again.

Only God can make dreams come true. That’s why I need to look to him to fill me up, make me feel special, and meet all my needs. Because He can. He’s the only one who can. 

Have you learned the secret of asking Jesus to fill up your emotional gas tank in his own ways, so you won't expect too much of people?